Love

I know you've been in love for two weeks, and it's truly exciting, but please stop borderline dry-humping in front of everyone. We're all very happy for you. Love is a wonderful thing, but if I wanted to see softcore porn, I could just go to google.

And you're not fooling anyone, except maybe yourself. Chances are, you are not in love. This person is almost a stranger. In fact, you should probably think about visiting a doctor and getting some tests before you continue swapping spit. Because you are not their first, nor their last. You are not special, and will be forgotten shortly, when the passion and lust fade. You are in love with being loved. You are in love with yourself. Your romantic rendezvous read like a desperate cry for help.

Collect whatever scraps of your independence and dignity that remain. Look around at all the disgusted people who are forced to watch you canoodling. Hang your head in shame.

Cosby/Bunker

Sitcoms "All in the Family" and "The Cosby Show" are examples of TV shows that fuse socio-cultural issues with humor. "All in the Family" is humorous because of Archie's bigotry and arrogance. In one episode, he struggles to decide whether to fire a hard-working African American or Latin American. He refuses to even consider firing his lazy, but white, employee. Of course this was a mistake, as he burdens himself with more work by firing his most efficient employee. "The Cosby Show" dispels racist stereotypes by depicting an average African American family (although they may be unusually funny). The Cosby family is eye-opening to men like Archie Bunker who view African Americans as inferior.

Sedaris' Me Talk Pretty One Day

Discussion:
1. I hated Spanish class and, like the narrator, despised the moment when we were forced to stand up and answer specific questions. Also, my Spanish teacher always critisized our pronunciation, yet she struggled to pronounce many English words correctly.

2. Language classrooms tend to discuss awkward things due to limited vocabulary. In Chinese class, we were instructed to find pictures in a magazine and state the color and clothing items worn by the models. It was elementary and unnatural.

3. Despite the fact that this teacher is associated with feelings of fear and dread, she seems to have inspired the students to study harder and overccome their struggles with the language.

Language:
1. An over-the-top amusement park that advertises with billboards...

5. The tone is very sarcastic and condescending.

Manny Delgado

                                                                 Manny Delgado

            In the hilarious show "Modern Family," Rico Rodriguez's depiction of Manny as an unintentionally hilarious, naive and kind little boy adds a uniquely adorable character to the cast list. Manny is the son of Gloria, who is married to Jay, the patriarch of the "modern family." He's a round character, displaying a variety of traits which make him a realistically complex person. This child is sort of a foil to the other kids; he acts like an adult and is unusually responsible for a thirteen year old. These traits transform him into a special, memorable character.

            Manny is a riotous boy, yet he's completely unaware of the comic relief he brings to his family. He fantasizes about an older girl he thinks he's in love with, describing her as "like a dream, wrapped in a wish, poured into jeggings." Other funny displays of maturity are shown when he is sitting next to Claire, sipping a cup of coffee. Claire vents to him about her day and children as if he is a peer, and he empathizes with her, saying, "Ugh kids, you don't have to tell me, my school is full of 'em." When his stepfather attempts to dance, Manny is right by his side to make another innocent joke: "Stop marching, you're dancing not invading Poland!"

            This young gentleman's naivety is incredibly amusing. He presents a hand-crafted centerpiece. Of course Gloria beams with pride, despite it, naturally, looking like it was put together by a kid. He believes that it is a masterpiece (until Jay points out how ridiculous it looks.) In another painful moment when Manny's precious soul is crushed by a girl, he says, "I gave her my heart and she gave me a picture of an all time sheriff. That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?" Manny, like many children, naively believes in truths which adults hate to know are falsehoods. When his biological father is on a winning streak he exclaims, "I love gambling, it's so easy!" believing that one must simply look into the eyes of a horse to determine whether or not it will win a race.

            Manny is a small guy with a big heart. After claiming his cash prize from his lucky break at the racetrack, he hands Jay some cash and tells him, "Here's a little something for gas." His real dad is treated to a cappuccino by the charming fellow. He also is boasted about by his son, who tells Jay all kinds of wild stories about his brave father who once killed a bear. Other tales include the reason "why he can drink as much as he wants"-- he was struck by lightning. This modest little guy took pride in his father's bogus stories, like any kid this compassionate and cute would.

            Every character in "Modern Family" will incite euphoric laughter at some point in any given show. Manny produces this humor with his staggering confidence and insight. His innocence is natural and expected, but combined with the contrasting maturity and intellect, it creates an enjoyable effect. Manny Delgado is a clever kid who will make people of any age laugh out loud. 

A Maple Leaf Proposal

It is no secret that the American economy is in the toilet. The national debt has reached over 15 trillion dollars, and hundreds of thousands of dollars are added to that running total every second. On top of that, the United States owes China a few trillion dollars in interest. At this point, it is only a matter of time before China lends us a final dollar to dry our tears as they replace our flags with the red flags of communism.

This financial crisis has plagued our country for about four years. So far, nobody has been able to even begin to reverse the damage. Our leaders and economists have put their heads together but found them tragically empty. Luckily for America, I have designed a solution that will prevent the inevitable Chinese invasion, the raping and pillaging of cities and villages from sea to shining sea.

We must phone our friendly Canadian neighbors and inform them that they’re now officially all slaves of Americans. These passive buggers will most likely happily agree, but if they do decline our generous offer, an invasion will be prepared. This may even be easier than the phone call; I’m pretty sure Canada doesn’t even have a military.

If the enslavement is forced, it will soon be appreciated. Our chipper friends will be quite relieved to get away from their cold, harsh environment. They will know what it is like to walk barefoot without having to subsequently amputate their frostbitten toes.

In addition to eliminating labor costs and thus providing all of the United States with any kind of free service or product, the Canadians will make a great addition to the NHL. It will please our undervalued hockey teams and the Canadians. Even the worst hockey players in Canada would become stars in the states.

America will have to make a few small changes, but they will be worth it. Snow machines will be put in every state, and bottles of maple syrup must be sold at sporting events, convenience stores, and vending machines. These small sacrifices made by Americans will secure the future of this great nation, while enhancing global relations, particularly with Canada and China.

A Modest Analysis

Presenting an ironically wild idea in “A Modest Proposal,” Jonathan Swift incorporates extended hyperbole, dark sarcasm, and a shocking shift in order to bring attention to the issue of poverty, overpopulation, and the lack of action to rectify these societal problems. Swift satirizes the incompetence of the government and the people of Ireland by sarcastically suggesting that newborns be used as a staple food source. The audience is also reassured that the poor, elderly, and disabled are dying “as fast as can be reasonably expected.” The resulting essay is a disturbingly hilarious example of gallows humor.

    The entire essay is a preposterous exaggeration. It is evident to anyone who is not a psychopath that the systematic slaughtering of infants and widespread cannibalism is ludicrous. Yet he predicts that “one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infant flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meeting.” However, society has to become a bit more desensitized in order to accept this custom. By creating a ludicrous piece, he makes his intention to satirize the elite conspicuous.

    The tone that Swift employs is one of sarcasm. He assures his audience that the benefits will outweigh the costs of feeding the child and clothing him in rags for a year. There is baked, or boiled.” Swift also makes sardonic remarks about the Catholic church, highlighting the advantage of “lessening the number of Papists among us.” These remarks are quite sassy and mocking. even detail about what a “delicious nourishing and wholesome foo, whether stewed, roasted,

    Although seemingly insignificant, the shift plays an important role in this paper. The beginning of his essay presents the issues that must be dealt with. Other possible solution are dismissed as “grossly mistaken in their computation.” It entices the reader by gloating about the wonderful things his impending solution will achieve. He states “I shall now humbly propose my own thoughts” and proceeds with his wild, not at all humble suggestions.

    Jonathan Swift intended his plan to be absurd, which is what makes it comical. It is ridiculously far-fetched, which shocks the reader into paying attention to the true meaning in essay. It criticizes and makes a mockery of the government, the rich, the Papists, and all the other empowered groups of people who choose to not help their impoverished neighbors. The consequences of indifference to the suffering of others are just as inhumane as his proposed barbaric cannibalism.

Depicting a young man witness his date have a hilariously embarassing encounter with her parents in Kiss and Tell, Alain de Botton takes advantage of the dates bystander point of view to show that despite the efforts of kids to distance themselves from their parents and try their best "not to recognize" the similaraties, they clearly exist. Isabel is embarassed by her father's nerdy diction, referring to his daughter as "my bean." Her mother's unintentionally degrading remarks about her cleavage, or lack thereof, are equally mortifying. And despite Isabel's evident horror at the behavior of her parents, it is amusing to watch this dialogue unfold through the eyes of the uninvolved boyfriend. Despite her embarassment, there is also humor in the fact that of all the possible things to do on this night, both Isabel and her parents decided to see the same play and go to the same bar afterward. No matter how much she tried to wish away the blood relation to Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, their indentical tastes in Spanish domestic dramas proves that they will always be a part of the same domestic drama. Knowing that Isabel's boyfriend still had a chance to avoid having crazy in-laws made this tale entertaining rather than terrifying.